To mark Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week 2025, we are sharing the experiences of Stella*, a MacIntyre staff member. She told us about of her challenges as a first (and second) time Mum.
Motherhood and mental health: my journey
Before I begin, let me be clear — I love my children deeply. That love is beyond anything I’ve ever known. But I’d be lying if I said there haven’t been moments where I asked myself, “Why did I have kids?” Parenting is incredible, but it’s also incredibly hard.
Becoming a parent changes you. Your life, career, identity, relationships — all shift. You suddenly come second. Some changes are wonderful; others overwhelming. I want to share my journey in the hope that others feel seen and less alone. Maternal mental health issues are real, and they matter.
First-Time Mum
When I was pregnant with my son, I felt all the usual excitement and anxiety. Despite being high-risk, I had a smooth pregnancy and prepared as much as I could — classes, research, planning. What no one talked about enough, though, was the emotional toll.
I’d lost both my parents, my mother only a year before. When my health visitor gently warned this might increase my risk of postnatal depression, I brushed it off. I had support, experience, and confidence. But after a traumatic birth and serious infection, the emotional crash hit hard. Breastfeeding challenges only added to the feelings of failure and exhaustion. I tried everything, felt judged, and struggled with guilt. Eventually, I switched to mixed feeding, but the "breast is best" message stayed with me for months.
Coping and Community
Going home was a relief, but loneliness crept in once my husband returned to work. My NCT group was a lifeline — those shared walks and chats helped me reconnect with myself. But grief resurfaced too. I longed for my mum’s advice and comfort and envied others who had their parents nearby.
I struggled silently, broke down at appointments, and was handed helpline numbers I never called. Instead, talking to other mums helped lift the fog. Knowing I wasn’t alone made a world of difference.
Work and perfectionism
Returning to work full-time was a mistake. I felt overwhelmed, guilty, and exhausted. I vented often — sometimes too much — but it was my way of coping. My sister’s words finally cut through: “You’re trying too hard to be perfect.” That hit home. I realised how much pressure I put on myself to meet impossible standards. Perfectionism had been with me since childhood, but now it was affecting my mental health. Learning to let go, slowly, became essential.
Baby #2 and a new perspective
When my daughter was born 22 months later, everything was different. A smoother birth, a calmer hospital, and a more relaxed me. I no longer obsessed over breastfeeding or compared myself to others. I’d learned to prioritise sanity over perfection — and having my husband home during the pandemic helped enormously.
The reality of two
Parenting two kids is a juggling act — moments of joy quickly flip to chaos. And no, it doesn’t get easier as they grow, just different. Money, childcare costs, and work-life balance became new hurdles. I needed to work — for financial reasons, but also to feel like me. Thankfully, I was supported in transitioning to a part-time, remote role. The adjustment was tough, but now I have more time for family and feel more balanced.
Final thoughts
Parenting is hard — and it’s also a path to self-discovery. I’ve learned I’m stronger than I thought. I’ve faced guilt, grief, and anxiety, but also joy, love, and growth. Support saved me — from friends, family, colleagues, and fellow mums. There’s no shame in struggling or asking for help. My journey isn’t over, but I move forward knowing I’m not alone. And if you’re in this too — neither are you.
*Name changed for privacy
