A conversation with Nicola Payne, Best Practice Manager
Ten years ago, the Memory Café started with a conversation in a coffee shop. Recently, it celebrated its 10 year anniversary, so we just had to sit down with Best Practice Manager, Nicola Payne to find out how it all came about.
Congratulations on a huge milestone! Where did it all begin?
Nicola:I was working as a support worker at MacIntyre’s coffee shop and started to see a change in a lot of people I was supporting, which were early signs of dementia. It came up in conversations with my manager – we felt there needed to be a quieter space. Somewhere people could come, share advice, or just sit together.
At first we thought the coffee shop might work, but it didn’t feel right. It needed to be separate, otherwise it would just feel like anyone having a cup of tea.
In March 2016, the Memory Café opened its doors for the first time.
Nicola: When we set it up, we thought it would be quiet, and it was, but we said we’d stick with it. I think that’s what’s made it what it is – just being there, every month, and it just developed from there.
How did it grow from those early days?
Nicola: We did a lot to let people know we were here – leaflet drops in care homes and GP surgeries. Gradually people started coming along, and then you’d see the same faces coming back.
We also reached out to Dementia UK early on, which has become a real partnership between us, and for about a year we had an Admiral Nurse with us for open surgeries, so people could book time and talk things through with experts – as much experience as we had with learning disabilities, we knew we would need that expertise. That helped people feel more confident coming in.
What does a typical morning look like now?
Nicola: It’s 10am to 12pm on the last Tuesday of the month at Great Holm. The first hour is quite calm, where people might settle in and catch up with a tea or coffee, or read newspapers. Then we might have some music, or an activity, or bingo. But there’s no expectation – we always wanted it to become a safe space for people, and whatever feels right for them. If someone wants to sit and watch, or join in, or just have a conversation, that’s absolutely fine too. It’s meant to be a space people can just be themselves in.
What feels important about how the space works?
Nicola: We’ve always tried to keep it open and that people understand you don’t need a diagnosis to come. That felt really important from the start, and continues being the case.
We knew that for some people, particularly for people with a learning disability, getting a diagnosis can take time, or it might not feel like something they want to share. We didn’t want that to be a barrier.
It’s just a space for anyone affected by dementia, in whatever way that looks like for them.
What moments have stayed with you?
Nicola: Music has played an important part in the Memory Café, so it’s one thing that always springs to mind. We used to have a male voice choir come in at Christmas, and there was one moment where everyone was holding hands, singing ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’. I can still picture it and just brings a huge smile to my face.
But then there are quieter moments as well. People coming in not knowing where to turn. Then just sitting down, having a cup of tea, talking things through.
I haven’t always had the answers, but they’ve left feeling heard. Sometimes that’s enough.
What has surprised you over the years?
Nicola:We had a lot of couples in the early days. And sadly, some of those people have died. But their partners still come back.
You might think there’s no reason to come anymore, but they do. I always think that says a lot about what the space has become.
It’s not just about that moment in time, and it’s the thing that carries on, once the Memory Café is over for another month.
How have you kept it going?
Nicola:
We’ve always opened the doors. Even during COVID, we tried doing things virtually because we didn’t want to disappear completely.
It’s never been about numbers. If four people come through the door, that matters. They’ve come because they need that space.
Who makes it what it is?
Nicola: Our volunteers, definitely. We wouldn’t be able to run it without them.
A lot of people have come through connections with MacIntyre over the years – former colleagues, family members. People who’ve stayed involved because they want to.
There’s also a really strong relationship with Dementia UK. We’ve supported each other over time, and that’s been important.
And looking ahead?
Nicola: I hope in ten years it’s still there, in whatever form people need it to be.
When we opened, I didn’t think we’d still be here ten years later. But if things ever change, it’s about making sure people still have somewhere to go - That’s the most important thing.
Relive some of our favourite moments from the Memory Café 10 year anniversary with us:
